Insight of a Kenyan Girl

Every girl dreams of having a good, faithful man in her life. At least, I did. But nothing ever really goes as planned, does it? The moment I thought I had everything figured out, the rug was yanked from beneath me, and I watched my world crumble.

It started with the job. I’d given everything I had, worked countless overtime hours, sacrificed my social life, and kept my personal issues to myself to prove that I was capable. Yet, just like that, I was fired. I sat in my car for hours after receiving the call, staring at the cold, lifeless streets. I didn’t even have the strength to feel anything. Not even shock. What could I expect, after all? Failure had become my constant companion.

I went home that day, hoping for some solace. I knew I’d face Drew. He had always been there for me in ways that I convinced myself were enough. He was my safe place, my anchor in the storm. Or so I thought.

I opened the door quietly, but my breath caught as soon as I stepped inside. There they were, Drew and another girl, tangled in the bed we had shared countless nights in. I stood frozen, unable to breathe. His arm was around her, the way he had never held me — it was as if she was his world, and I had never even been a passing thought.

I felt my knees weaken, and before I even knew it, I was sliding down the wall, sitting on the cold floor of the bedroom. The air felt thick, suffocating. I watched them, unable to move, as the minutes stretched into what seemed like hours. The intimacy between them was suffocating — the way their legs were intertwined, how her back rested against his chest, the sound of her soft breaths mixing with his. Everything about that moment screamed that they belonged to each other in a way I had never belonged to him.

Then Drew stirred. His eyes flickered open, and when he saw me sitting there, he didn’t show guilt. He didn’t look surprised. He looked… annoyed.

“Fuck! Emmy! What are you doing here?” Drew shouted, his voice harsh, breaking the silence. But even then, it wasn’t the anger I expected. It was more of an irritation, like I was the inconvenience. He didn’t apologize. He didn’t care.

If it had been any other day, I would have lashed out, stormed out, and left him behind with the girl who clearly meant more to him than I ever had. But I couldn’t find the words. I didn’t even have the energy to stand. I just sat there, staring at them. I couldn’t even hate him, not when he looked at her like that. The love in his eyes was something I had never seen. And it hurt.

Tears blurred my vision as I wiped at my face. My hands trembled as I crawled under the bed to grab my overnight bag. I was so numb that I moved like a machine, not thinking, just going through the motions. I didn’t say a word. What could I say, anyway? I knew it was over. There was nothing left to save.

The silence in the room was suffocating. I stood up, went to the closet, and packed a few changes of clothes. I didn’t look at Drew. I couldn’t. It wasn’t even the betrayal that killed me, it was the realization that I had loved someone who had never truly loved me back. I couldn’t blame him for finding someone who made him feel something real — something I hadn’t been able to offer.

I went to the bathroom to grab my toiletries, but when I looked into the mirror, I barely recognized myself. Who was this person standing there, barely holding it together? Was I even capable of moving on? How could I have missed all the signs? Had I truly been blind?

I looked down at the girl beside him — she was everything I wasn’t. Where I was tall, dark-haired, and brown-eyed, she was short, blonde, and blue-eyed. She had the beauty I lacked, the innocence I could never have. My heart ached just thinking about it. How long had they been doing this? Had they been careful? Did he care? Was I just a passing phase for him?

I grabbed my things and turned to leave, but as I did, I saw them both dressed and standing awkwardly by the side of the room. They didn’t speak. Drew avoided my gaze, and the girl just stared at the floor. It was the most uncomfortable silence I had ever experienced, but I didn’t know what to say, either.

I walked to the door, my heart pounding in my chest, but before I could leave, my phone buzzed in my pocket. It was a text from my best friend: “Hey, I’m in India, remember?”

I had forgotten. In all the chaos, I had completely forgotten. My best friend, the one person I would have called, was on the other side of the world. I felt truly alone for the first time in ages. I felt like an absolute stranger in my own life.

But then I remembered my mother’s words from the day I had left for the first time: “This will always be your home, Emmy. No matter what happens, you’ll always have a place here.”

I left the apartment without another word, my heart heavy and numb, and drove straight to my parents’ house. It was a place of comfort, of familiarity, but even then, I felt lost. The home I had built with Drew had shattered in front of me.

I don’t know what I expected, but when I pulled into the driveway and saw the lights on inside, I didn’t feel like I was coming home. I felt like a failure.

I had loved with everything I had, and I had lost. Now, I just wanted peace. But no peace would come, not tonight.